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Thursday, January 14, 2010

Am I alone?(Diary of a Psychomaniac)

Evening 9:00 PM :
General curosity when you dont have anything to think about...Who you are? What you are doing here?
Am I not eligible enough to capture the image of Life?If no, When will I be or will I ever be ?Whats so scray about life?No i dont have answer to these furious questions,neither do any philosphical Guru may have that.
    Jumped curiously to explore new cities.Business is the reason i have given to my self but actually wanted to take out the scary part that exist in me so as to live quitely one day.Some one had said "You will have to risk everything once you would like to know the answer of self"
    Living in ragged house with a Television for entertainment, or may be to gather global knowledge.I took pills to stop this feel of Deja Vu arising with in me.Wanna fight to someone to take out this fear,Am a warrior,next ray of hope for self.I want this fear to come out of myself ,it goes and comes.No one but me is responsible for what I am doing.Need to control my self,have to work hard but I am suffering from Insomania and sleep deprevation if thats the right word I have been told by physicians.Dont any physician ever come across this zeal of sleep deprevation If no, How do they know so much about it.Bookish stuff,they had prepared a thesis on those ...Yeah yeah i know all that expert degrees that had helped them to restore their ingenuity.Only way to get out of this situation is have determination thats not an expert suggestion thats what my real experience is wondering of.
    Bhagvat Gita , a great literature and epic reminds us all the saga of Life thats all is coming and going through me.Am I alone with this kind of feeling No right ?
     Standing on the road alone with a curved path ,a big mountain on one side and a deep valley on the other.Standing there with my eyes closed in the middle of the road and a car then suddenly a a great thunder blow of wind hit my face..But whats that sound..a sound of horn may be and its coming closer,closer and closest and then a sharp hit in the stomach and everything goes black..............
        All the nursery rhymes are coming back,Humpty dumpty sat on wall....,Jack and Jill went up the hIll....,Machli Jal ki rani hai......,then the voice of Grand ma "Padoge likhoge banoge Nawab....."
Mama running behind "Oh My GOD!!Have this glass of milk..."Papa scolding "When will you grow up......"
My voice"You know what..whether you win or loose I am always with you"
Her cute face with jet black hair falling ..she said half weeping "What you think ..this is not a movie...We can never live together..............."
      No ,no it cannt happen,she is going with some one else a great smile on her face .....she dumped me.No she can never dump me, i am better than that guy.Alcohol,Ciggrattes,Marijuana....................
        I need to work hard ,get together all the things need to buy everything money can buy..I need power,I need money to buy Power.I can work Hard.I have proved hundereds of times and i can prove it once again.
Darkness..................................pe pe pe .......Blank......................................
       All the voices are coming together
   "Allah Ho akbar Allah......"
      :Jai hanuman Gyan gun sagar....'
         " Showers of Blessing....Showers of Blessing we need"
                "1Omkar..sat namm karta purakh"
   And it ends ............I am asleep.
         "Wake up Lock the door ......"
Late again..Prepare Breakfast cum lunch save money,make it fast have to handle many issues ,fight with supervisor ask for grades and promotions................Crap.......1st have to catchup shuttle, need to rush for office .................................

2 comments:

  1. Abe ye kya likha hai bhaya...Kuch samaj nahi aaya

    ReplyDelete
  2. Are you testing us to read this till the end! Am sure no body can after 2 lines! :D I know you been reading out PUSTHO these days but please write something in english or in the language that we can all understand!

    ReplyDelete

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